Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Curse you, Faculty Room

Ah... where has the time gone? I decided to spend the last hour looking at old photos of myself instead of going to bed like I should. I looked SO GOOD! I was actually what I would call skinny. I want to be that way so bad.

I thought I was getting back on track and then BAM! "Let's have a holiday sign up for people to bring treats every day til Christmas!" Oh curse you, faculty room.

Brandon and I decided. We will not be eating anything that we didn't bring with us. I HAVE to avoid the junk food. I lost 6 pounds, then gained 3 from Thanksgiving, then lost 2, and then maintained it one week, so I'm not back down to pre-Thanksgiving weight yet.

I HAVE to DO THIS! I want to feel better about myself.

So goal tomorrow: Do not eat anything I did not bring myself.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Just Being Okay

Today while driving home from work at about 9:15 pm I had a thought- "I'm tired." Simple thought, right? We've all had it, but I caught myself for a split second getting anxious and this "grrr.." feeling because of this thought. Then I quickly redirected and thought, "It's okay." It's okay that I was tired and once I acknowledged that the anxious "grrr" feeling went away.

It seems I have not been allowing myself to... FEEL. Like it wasn't "okay" to feel... anything. Especially negative things, or things that I perceive to be negative.

So there's my thought of the day.

I'm digging this website and her story. Read all 3 parts although it's kind of long!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Change of Domain

I changed the title and domain of my blog. Why? Because I've come to realize it's about so much more than counting calories. Whadda ya know? That's the new title! But, seriously, I've been going to therapy for a month now, and have learned that my thinking and other things are relatd to my binge eating. It's not just about self control. It's about figuring out what's really going on.

And I think I'm getting there. It's not easy, though. I have to face things from my past that keep creeping into my thoughts/life, I have to sit with an emotional situation, instead of ignoring it, to really analyze what's going on, although it's extrememly uncomfortable, and I have to be aware of my thinking and how it's causing me to feel/react.

I've learned a lot about myself. One huge thing I've learned, that I'll share today is that I judge my thoughts very harshly. Or I should say, I judge myself for my thoughts. Here's an example: I was driving home from work the other day and I thought "I want a donut from 7-Eleven" (they have really good donuts). Usually, I would then immediately start berrating myself for thinking that. Things like "Are you kidding me? You want a donut, no wonder you're so fat" "You just can't control yourself can you?" "you SHOULDN'T eat that donut, it will just make you fatter" (So I don't know if those are the exact thoughts, but you get the idea.) Those thoughts then make me "realize" what a horrible person I am and I might as well just have that donut, you're fat anyways, you're not good enough to control yourself, etc. And then... I eat the donut...or two (it's 1 for 99 cents or TWO for a dollar. Come on, who wouldn't get two?!)

INSTEAD, the other day I had that thought- "I want a donut from 7-Eleven" I didn't judge the thought-good or bad- I just had the thought, said "hmm" and let it go. It was very interesting to see that I didn't go get a donut. I didn't feel bad for wanting a donut, and I really didn't need the donut.

Of course I wanted a donut! Donuts are delicious! I love donuts, and I'd had a long day at work. Does having that thought make me a bad person? I used to think so. And I'm still working on not thinking that way. But the truth is, most of the things I think define ME as a person, just don't. Wanting a donut, having cravings, that's human. It's okay, and I'm starting to see that.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Checking In

Lost 1.2 pounds this week! Pretty cool. I'm feeling really good and seem to be on a roll. I met my goals last week of exercising 3 times and adding more veggies. I did water aerobics, rode my bike, and walked 1.5 miles in the March of Dimes walk. It felt really good to be more active.

So this week I'm shooting for 3 times exercising and still sticking with the more veggies goal. It's one I struggle with.

How do you get all your veggies in?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

al fresco Chicken Sausage

I bought this chicken sausage the other day because it looked yummy, and I've been wanting to try chicken sausage because it's much healthier for you.

It was only 130 calories for one link. It was DELICIOUS! I cut up some red potatoes and onions, baked in the oven for 25 minutes at 400 degrees and then add the sausage for 10 more minutes.

Add some veggies and it was a great meal! I love sausage but it has a lot of fat and calories. And I've tried some turkey sausage and I don't like it as much.

They have other flavors that I can't wait to try!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Water Aerobics... you want me to wear what?

So I did water aerobics a few years ago but I was at my thinnest, and actually didn't wear shorts with my swimming suit.

A friend of mine has a Plus One pass to a gym so she's taking me to water aerobics! I was so excited because I remembered how much I like it, and I don't have the money for a gym pass right now.

The only problem- I have to wear a swimming suit.

I didn't have one so I tried some on yesterday at the store. I almost started sobbing in the dressing room. Literally. I think I gasped too. BUT I perserved and found a very comfortable one that won't fall down when I'm jumping in the water. I also got- wait for it- men's swimming trunks. Women's ones are NOT long enough, and I'm just really embarrased about my legs.

So as humiliating as that was, I am still excited to do water aerobics. It will be a great exercise to re-start with. Not too hard on my joints, especially since I haven't exercised in a long while.

Oh, and remember last time I tried on clothes and was tired and stressed? (See HERE) Instead of eating, like I wanted to I had a big glass of water and went to bed. I had already had my 1200 for the day and that's how it was gonna stay. My plan definitely helped! And I REALLY want to reach 10 pounds lost this week. It's been evading me for weeks now (okay, some of those weeks were bad planning and undertaking on my part). But I'm sick of it! So, this is the week.

My goals this week are to work out 3 times and get more vegetables. More on that later.

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Weigh-In Day, Emotional Eating, and My Plan

See my Current Stats page for my updated stats!

So I joined a Biggest Loser group that my friend set up. There are 40 members, all of who pitched in $25. If you lose 8% of your weight by July 7th she rips the check up. If you don't, the money goes to the Biggest Loser (the person with the greatest percentage of weight loss).

I started losing weight 5 weeks before this started. The first week the competition started was actually the first week I gained weight since March 19th. Yeah, bad timing. This is the second week of the competition and the good news is... I've lost the 2.6 I gained plus .4 more lost.

It's easy to get frustrated. But you're never going to lose weight if you don't keep at it.

Yesterday I overate for dinner. I wouldn't call it a binge, but I was more full than I usually am and I didn't count calories. I started seeing a therapist last week and she told me to notice what I was feeling when I started to overeat or binge. So I tried, but it was really hard to tell what I was feeling and why I was doing it.

I thought of a few things:
*I was famished. I had lunch at 12:30 and had nothing to eat since. I got home around 6 I think. That's way too long to not eat anything. One of my points under "How I'm Doing It" page is to eat every 3 hours. If I don't follow that, I get too hungry, eat too much, and don't feel well
* I had a headache, didn't feel good
* I was tired, it had been a long day
* I was stressed about a family problem
* I had tried on some shirts and none looked good and I felt depressed and frustrated about that.

I thought of something this morning though. I have to learn to deal with that. Yes, I can do everything in my power to prevent this (making sure I have food every 3 hours, planning for my day...) but there's some things I can't control. So, what am I going to do when that happens? What if I didn't have time to plan? What am I going to do about it? How will I react when this happens again? When I forget to bring food, I am famished, tired, headache, stressed...? It's bound to happen. So I need a plan.

Recognizing weight loss isn't going to be perfect is huge. Learning how to deal with my emotional eating in different situations is important.

Next time I will think about this post that I wrote.  I will look at myself objectively- (are you tired? head hurts? starving? stressed?) Once I recognize what's going on I can say to myself, "Hey, you're really tired. That doesn't mean you need lots of food. It means you need sleep. Go take a bath, go to bed early, something that is not food related that will help alleviate the problem."

This is my plan. I'll report how it works out!

One more thing. I used to overeat or binge almost every day. So having one day a week where it happens is definitely improvement. Gotta celebrate all successes!